Live Well, Lead Strong: The Power of Humble Confidence

Hello, friends! As we form our relationships with teachers and staff in our fall conversations, we all know the importance of intentionally beginning with positvity and our common ground. Laying that foundation of support will serve us well as we travel through the year! It’s so important to meet your people where they are, just like our master teachers do with their own students, right?

As we move into the fall though, I encourage you to think about intentionally asking lots of questions to deepen your understanding. Adopting that mindset is a powerful model that you’re “the lead learner” in your school, and that you are committed to growing your knowledge. I’ve often used the term “humble confidence” to describe this leadership style. 

In his article “Humility As A Psychological Task For Leaders” (psychologytoday.com), Paul Dunlon shares that exhibiting humility “builds our capacity to appreciate and acknowledge the strengths and accomplishments of others. When leaders are right with themselves, they are able to recognize the value others bring, without diminishing themselves.” 

Here’s the mindset that’s important: When asking questions, we’re starting from a strength-based model rather than a deficit model in our thinking. The simple truth is that everyone responds more openly to specific encouragement and sincere interest rather than judgment; that’s how we all grow best.

Author Elena Aguilar has written that in an expert coaching conversation, the coach is listening 70% of the time, and speaking about 30% of the time. In questioning, we help our people think deeply about their practice, and reflect on their current work to continue to develop their skills. What might we ask that could shape those types of conversations?

• As your students have gotten to know you, what are you hoping they are saying about you? How would you like them to describe you?

• What are you observing about your students (during the lesson, or this semester…etc) What do you think about what you’re seeing? What are you wondering about?

• When are you feeling most at ease and satisfied during your day here? When are you most challenged?

• What might you say is your key learning so far this fall? 

• You might ask a specific question about a strategy you saw the teacher use, like “When you divided the students into partners, did you find they were productive when they got to choose their own partner? Would you ever intentionally partner your students for the task?” 

• What are you noticing about the pace of your lessons? 

• Did you feel your students “hit the target” today and achieved the learning purpose? What information did you collect so you know? What support do you need in that area of formative assessments, if any?

You’ll notice that all these questions are open-ended; there could be many answers to consider. In asking these types of questions, a quick reminder: Your tone of voice, your facial expression and your body language should all reflect authenticity, support, and a sincere desire to be non-judgmental. 

Your own humility will help create the environment where your teachers remain regulated and calm in your conversations. Their own nervous system then functions without the distraction of fear and stress. That sense of ease is powerful modeling for our students!

Leadership facilitator Roy Jorgenson once remarked, “Listening is one of the highest forms of love.” Listening with humble confidence is a powerful practice for creating energy, reflecting, and offering our people the sense that they’re valued and seen. Our students will be the ultimate benefactors of that culture, right? And the adults in our schools will understand that when their leader offers sincere praise and asks deep questions, we’re creating the brave culture where learning comes first for all of us. That’s powerful leadership practice, and that’s what we have the opportunity to do…Aren’t we lucky?

May your courage shine,

Debbie McFalone, Ph.D.